As the clock got closer to midnight and we all grabbed our champagne toast, I thought about scooping out the room and engaging conversation with someone cute with five seconds left just in time to create that magical moment at twelve.
But with way too much expectations which lead to disappointments at am, I was ready to go home as if I made it through to the finish line.
Looking back now I know that my efforts weren’t about kissing someone at midnight, but about the deep desire to belong and be a part of the couple world again.
As a single person, you want to leave the past year of heartbreak and romantic misfortunes behind, and see all the possibilities of having a successful new year finding love thinking, “.” Secretly, though, they dread the thought of standing alone at the stroke of midnight yet again.
When I first became single again after over 20 years of being married, I had great stress and anxiety over finding something to do on New Year’s Eve so I wouldn’t have to spend it alone.
My mind would trick me to believe that if I kissed someone at midnight that I would somehow be normal and not a big loser without a date or a partner.
I exaggerated what New Year’s meant and how others perceived me if I was alone.